Well, here is something to confess straight up.
Mrs. RVFTLC is a sorority gal.
Her soroity is Delta Gamma.
I don't really want to confirm that with her for I think she will be shocked that I writing about a sorority gal.
This particular one from her sorority.
But not just any sorority gal. No, no, no. This is in my estimation the queen of the sorority gals.
Her name is Rebecca Martinson and she is one tough gal.
And sad to say, she won't be the queen of her sorority since she has "resigned" her membership.
Now you may ask, why? Why did Miss Martinson have to resign as a member of said Delta Gamma?
Well, for this awesome, epic, beyond profanity-laced e-mail about, well how she thinks Delta Gamma sucks to cut to the chase.
WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!
If you can't hack profanity, stop reading and wait for the next post.
Now you have been warned, here is the greatest ranting e-mail evah:
If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you're sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough fucking ride.
For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this chapter, we have been FUCKING UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu. I've been getting texts on texts about people LITERALLY being so fucking AWKWARD and so fucking BORING. If you're reading this right now and saying to yourself "But oh em gee Julia, I've been having so much fun with my sisters this week!", then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don't have to fucking find you on campus to do it myself.
I do not give a flying fuck, and Sigma Nu does not give a flying fuck, about how much you fucking love to talk to your sisters. You have 361 days out of the fucking year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT, I fucking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the greek community, and that's not fucking possible if you're going to stand around and talk to each other and not our matchup. Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON'T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE FUCKING SUCK, which by the way in case you're an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR. This also applies to you little shits that have talked openly about post gaming at a different frat IN FRONT OF SIGMA NU BROTHERS. Are you people fucking retarded? That's not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you're mentally slow so I can make sure you don't go to anymore night time events. If Sigma Nu openly said "Yeah we're gonna invite Zeta over", would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn't, so WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN'T be post gaming at other frats, I don't give a FUCK if your boyfriend is in it, if your brother is in it, or if your entire family is in that frat. YOU DON'T GO. YOU. DON'T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do fucking NOT convince other girls to leave with you.
"But Julia!", you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, "I've been cheering on our teams at all the sports, doesn't that count for something?" NO YOU STUPID FUCKING ASS HATS, IT FUCKING DOESN'T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW FUCKING WHY?!! IT DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN FUCKING UP AT SOBER FUCKING EVENTS TOO. I've not only gotten texts about people being fucking WEIRD at sports (for example, being stupid shits and saying stuff like "durr what's kickball?" is not fucking funny), but I've gotten texts about people actually cheering for the opposing team. The opposing. Fucking. Team. ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?!! I don't give a SHIT about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME? ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND? Or are you just so fucking dense about what it means to make people like you that you think being a good little supporter of the greek community is going to make our matchup happy? Well it's time someone told you, NO ONE FUCKING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY OUR FUCKING MATCHUP. I will fucking cunt punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a fuck if you SOR me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.
"Ohhh Julia, I'm now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad". Well good. If this email applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that stands in the corners at night or if you're a weird shit that does weird shit during the day, this following message is for you:
DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT'S EVENT.
I'm not fucking kidding. Don't go. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I've mentioned in this email and have some rare disease where you're unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS CHAPTER. I would rather have 40 girls that are fun, talk to boys, and not fucking awkward than 80 that are fucking faggots. If you are one of the people that have told me "Oh nooo boo hoo I can't talk to boys I'm too sober", then I pity you because I don't know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don't fucking show up unless you're going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our chapter. Seriously. I swear to fucking God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight's event, I will tell you to leave even if you're sober. I'm not even kidding. Try me.
WOW!
Unbelievable.
If I counted right, there were 35 variations of the f-word in this rant.
And really, was Miss Martinson in charge of morale? I mean, what loser would not be pumped up after reading this?
Oh, and here is the best term I read here:
Cunt punt
Yikes! That just sounds as horrible as it can get.
For one, I do not get what got her bonnet in a bunch that she felt like writing such an e-mail and hit the 'send' button. Really, did Miss Martinson not think that someone would NOT find it, I don't know, beyond mild corrective criticism? I mean, threatening a nice cunt punt why wouldn't that make a gal realize, hey, I have to stop being such a loser?
As a rant, yeah its hilarious.
But, what it shows about Miss Martinson is a lack of restraint.
And apparently, it is not exactly the first time Miss Martinson has had colorful communication with others via e-mails and or the internets.
Let me assure you that Mrs. RVFTLC is NOTHING like this gal. Nor her friends that are also alumnae of this sorority. They are exactly what the DGs, as they call themselves, strive for:
Foster(ing) high ideals of friendship among college women, to promote their educational and cultural interests, to create in them a true sense of social responsibility and to develop in them the best qualities of character.
But back to Miss Martinson.
In a weird way, I do like her spunk. She wants to live the sorority experience all the way.
But again, this is not exactly the way to promote friendship among college women.
What people do not realize is that an e-mail, well you don't need the federal government to surveil it to make it public. In this case all it takes is a "loser" DG to read the above rant to not take it anymore.
What it shows is that lack of restraint is epidemic in our society today.
What it shows is that a gal today can swear so much and so publicly that the drunken sailor passed out at, you guessed it.
Cunt Punt.
Once this went viral, the frat and sorority haters had an orgasm, I am sure.
Look at this spoiled brat and all that she cares about. Blah, blah, blah.
Let me tell you about my sorority gal, Mrs. RVFTLC.
She has lived the values of the DGs and continues to do so.
When I met her 18 years ago, she was not just an active parent but working as a volunteer to get a high school in our then hometown, San Gabriel, built. While the school was being built as her son, my stepson, was on the swim team and she was swim team booster raising money every which way she could. She was a community volunteer. Today, she is a member of our church board, the vestry.
Mrs. RVFTLC would never go off like the Martinson gal.
Yes, sorority gals and frat boys like to party. So what? In and of itself, it is all part of the college experience for many. Of course when it starts to effect one studies, a different story. But what strikes me about Miss Martinson if, as I get it, her sister DGs were just not living the Greek life the way she thinks it should be. And what I would like to ask her is does she care about the values DG seeks to instill in young "ladies" like her.
Before you Greek haters get all excited with your hate and envy, Miss Martinson does not reflect sorority gals by and large. She is an aberration.
But one thing is for sure.
She may have a career in writing. At least epic rants. And that makes her my sorority queen of the year!
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