Is There An Anti-Parent Trend In The United States?

Well, if you asked me that question say five years ago, I would have said no. An emphatic no.
But ask me today and I think that there is a sometimes subtle, sometimes not subtle anti-parent attitude in the United States today.
What got me thinking about this was reading yesterday's Morning Jolt from Jim Geraghty of National Review. If you don't get this in your inbox every weekday, you should. And as an aisde, Mr. Geraghty is one of my favorites over at NR. I have quoted him many a time on this blog.
What Mr. Geraghty wrote about was taking his young boys over to a local Starbucks every Sunday morning and spending some quality time with the kids. Something that every father should do, no matter what their own marital situations.
But one Sunday, they went to a different Starbucks. Actually one near a playground in Alexandria, Virginia.
And it was not a good experience.
First is Mr. Geraghty's description of the crowd:

And the clientele was . . . different. You know the type: Beard. Skinny. Vintage t-shirt. Probably a piercing or two, definitely a tattoo. If they lived in New York, they would live in Brooklyn.

Ok, I would just change that to a Left Coast theme. If they lived here, it would probably be North Hollywood or West Hollywood. Or in downtown Los Angeles in one of the lofts. Basically, a hipster or a SWLPL type of vibe.
And then was Mr. Geraghty's description of the, well, disapproving looks from this hipster, SWLPL crowd:

I definitely got the feeling that our presence was disruptive to their perusal of the New York Times book-review section or their work on their screenplay. Nothing vocal, just regular disapproving looks in our direction. How dare a breeder like myself desecrate their temple of almost-urban cool.

And there was an awful word Mr. Geraghty wrote.
Breeder.
Breeder?! I had to read that a couple of times to realize that what Mr. Geraghty meant was that he was. . .a. . .dad! And a dad in the ol' fashioned way.
And what is wrong with that?
In my mind not a damn thing.
Being a step dad has been the most rewarding thing I have done other than getting married. Sure, I am not a breeder per se, but I have had the privilege to be a part of my stepson's life as much a father except for the "breeding" part.
Yet the thrust of the piece by Mr Geraghty is simple.
There is an anti-parent culture out there and it is getting louder and louder.
To stay with the coffee theme, there are three big chains here in So. Cal. They are the aforementioned Starbucks, then there is Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf and Peets. And I confess that I like them all. Even though all three are very, very liberal in their politics.
Which leads to a rule of your humble blogger. Try not to let politics get in the way of what you like. Laugh it  off as a 'Well, hello?!' moment. Thus, until there is a Righty Coffee chain, I will continue to like the three I mentioned.
Back on point.
In the following order of the vibe and politics, Peets is the worst and Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf is the least of the hipster, SWLPL type of crowd. Which, oddly enough, means Starbucks is pretty middle-of-the-road.
I think that it is great that parents can take their children to a place like this. It is certainly better than the local pub. Or the race track. Or, well you get the point.
Are there some crappy parents? Yes, but most do not have children to be crappy parents. Not all parents let their kids run amok in inappropriate places. But come on, it is a coffee house. A chain coffee house. Hey, hipsters and SWLPLers, if you want to the full European coffee house vibe, there are a boatload near college campuses.
A lot of people like to emphasise the negative parents out there. Again, there are some. But there are many parents that are trying to be good. And teach their children how to behave. Right from wrong. All that kind of stuff.
I for one love seeing dads especially have a close relationship with their kids. It is sign of maturity. Of a dad giving of himself. I know that it is sexist to write what I am writing here, but it is true. It is expected that moms are naturally giving of themselves. But dads, that is another story.
And that is another point Mr. Geraghty raises.
How this hipster, SWLPL crowd is male dominated.
So true.
And they like their "freedom".
Freedom from what?
Their freedom is a myth.
What it really is is a self-absorption that they are too lacking to realize.
It is all about one's self. What? You want me to care about another human being? You know, beside bedding down a gal (or a guy-being a wee bit PC here!), actually a having a relationship? Having to give of my self to another person? WTF, man?!
When anyone gives of them self, that is true freedom.
I think that the problem here is that too many people have a misconception of freedom. And are just plain self-centered. And some of these people are. . .breeders. And they pass down their self-absorption to their offspring.
For me,  I get how people feel about the modern parent. But I try to remember my parents and how they raised us. And yeah, it is pretty different from parenting in the 21st century.
But again, I do hate to admit, there is a trend of anti-parent and anti-parenting that is on the rise. And you can find some of it at the local coffee house.










 

Hey Kids, Next Time You Wanna Make Out, Get A Room!

Now I usually don't like to delve into such a topic. But this does say something about the time and the culture and what seems to be OK and not OK.
This past Monday, the office I work at (all four of us!) went out to lunch on the company I work for.  It appears that we did something good. And hey, they were treating, so why not?!
We went to the nearby Olive Garden, or as I used to call it, the Overrated Garden. I don't know but the food seems to be better than it used to be.
My boss left a few minutes early to get a table and the rest of us walked over since it is nearby out office.
Once we all got there, seated and looking over the menu, I could not help but to keep looking over to my left.
There they were.
Two people, a dude and a gal. They looked to be college age from what I could tell. The problem was what they were doing.
They were passionately making out. In the middle of the frickin restaurant!
It was not the peck on the cheek. No, that would have been OK. But the gal's eyes were shut as she was kissing her boyfriend/husband. It was NOT just kissing. It was full on. . .french kissing. I could see the lips opening up and the tongue hanging out.
As the gals say nowadays, EEEUUUWWW!
The gal was practically in the guy's lap and this went on for a while.
I was sitting next to my boss, in her early 50s as I am 47. I turned around and said "Are those two going to get a room?!" And her response was, "I know! Its too much especially in here!"
Exactly.
Listen, I am not a prude. But my issue is that there is a time and a place for that kind of stuff.
In the middle of an Olive Garden restaurant is not one of those places or times.
The scene was just too much. If the waiter had not brought the food to them, I do not know what might have happened next.
But back to my issue.
I am pretty affectionate with Mrs. RVFTLC. We hold hands often. We kiss. We hug. Even when we were dating we did the making out kind of stuff privately. We just don't feel we needed to or need to put on a show of any kind for people.
And that is what is wrong today.
It seems that today's youts have to take all this stuff to the limit. Test the boundaries. Kind of get into the face of the rest of us.
But as I have grown older and hopefully wiser, I just wonder the kind of message it sends to people to see young people act like they are ready to do it any time, any place?
It sends a bad message. It sends a message that they have no self control. They live way too much in the moment.
What drives them to that attitude? Is it the Hollyweird/celbutard culture? Is it marketing that seems to say to young people, you can do anything? Is it a sense of despair underlying the seemingly cool lives the youts of today lead?
The fact is that every generation asks these questions. But one thing the generations of old did not have to deal with is the near epidemic of unmarried pregnancies. Guys doing the deed and skipping out on their responsibilities. Gals so wanting a child to be "fulfilled" and a dad be damned.
Now I am not suggesting that full-on making out in an Olive Garden restaurant is going to lead to a pregnancy that the couple may have not wanted. But we are told by the smart people that all to cure this problem is more sex-ed and more birth control.
Hey, how about self-control?
That is what was lacking from the young couple. They were acting as if it was their own private restaurant. They did not care about the people around them. That there may have been very young kids around.
Again, it is all about self-control.
The above tale is real but shows a lack of that which separates many of us. The ability to control one's self when it seems most uncontrollable. And trust me, once the hormones start and the guy getsexcited, the thought process often goes right out the window.
But my advice to people like that?
Please, next time you want to make out in a restaurant, get a room!